Excellence

very few have accomplished the state of excellence… many more give up before they even start… its not easy and failure is always a tainting foe… I think excellence is more of an idea or state of being than a track record… for how can excellence become excellence without failure.. can someone be excellent without failing first? Can I be excellent my first try? If so then would I not know the plight of fighting my way through something… skill and excellence can work independently. Skill only becomes excellence once it has tasted defeat and learns its way back to victory… becoming aware of its enemy’s every weakness. Does it not take patience and hard work to achieve excellence… a product of multiple applied character traits all at once working towards a higher goal… Its easy to be on top… but in my opinion, it takes excellence to get back up when your not.

Jesus is God, and God’s pursuit of love through man.

Does God experience new things? Did God know what it was like to have something outside of himself, like creation? Did God create evil, or was it a product of God giving man a choice? Did God experience the creation of evil as something new? Did this change any dynamic of God at that time? Does God grow in relationships at all, or is it simply oneway? Did God regret? Does God’s will not get accomplished in situations? why or why not? Is there a distinction between the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit? If so, do all three possess the same functions or have completely all the same attributes? Was the Trinity different before creation than it was after creation… moreso, was there any difference once Jesus became flesh? Once flesh, was Jesus really tempted in the wilderness or in his life? If he was, then why would it talk about, “and yet he was without sin” if there wasnt a possibility of him sinning? What did Jesus mean by “not my will but yours be done”? Did anything at all change about Jesus at the cross? What about afterwards when he was raised from the dead? there was definitely a physical difference as far as he was the first fruits among the dead with a ressurected eternal body.

These are all questions that I ask over and over… I want truth and whatever it looks like, I want my life to reflect it…Now, I want to build the premise of God’s pursuit of love through man and the redemption of humanity through Jesus with three quick points. Bear with me through these points as I set the premise of choice and the eternal nature of God, for if these are not established then the concept of Jesus as human, God in the flesh, is void and love then becomes redefined…

First, by definition, unless you wrongly accept the premise that God created people to go to hell, then when God created and gave us a choice in the process.. something of his ability to control that choice was given up.(ex. sovereignty, omnipotience)…for if his ability to control choice was not given up, then those attributes would not have been held back in any way and evil would find its source in God alone. He either created and evil came forth or He created evil itself. So, there has to be something to God laying aside that control when he created if you believe in choice; for otherwise choice would never truly exist and love is an illusion.

Second, Jesus is God, there was no sin in him.. but was he tempted? We can agree that anything outside of God’s will is sin… and seeing as Jesus is God, then how can anything within his will be sin? But what of the statement “not my will but yours be done?” Two wills, both being a path without sin, or one perfect and the other faulted? Jesus had a will, and if not surrendered to the Father, would it have been sinful? And by sinful, being outside of the will of God? What interaction can we draw from the passage?
Jesus declared He was God, then proved it by raising from the dead. He made atonement for our sins by remaining pure and dieing in our place, the power was in the ressurection. I agree with what you say if you say Jesus was without sin, but i dont feel the fact that Jesus had a will, was tempted and tested, and was fully human negates or is contrary to the fact that he was completely sinless or negates or is contrary to the nature of his diety. Jesus is God for sure. God is God, He is the eternal being and has existed and will always be. In His eternal state, God possesses all control, power, purpose, and will. Nothing can be against Him for he is and has created all. He can do as he pleases and His nature and character is pure. Because he holds all power, anything he wants to do is not sin… sin comes from something against God’s will. If He wills it, how can it be sin? God cant lust, for if he wants -its his anyways and by some chance it isn’t, he obtains, and it then is not lust because he is God and does as he pleases. Thats a very broad idea. The nature of God isn’t a tyrant. Its of love and laying down of ones self to produce that love in others. But if he wanted to be a tyrant, what could we say, for He is God.

Third, God wants us to be with him.. He wants all to be saved… but some are going to hell… most maybe.  Human interaction with the choice to love, obey, accept or reject God does my mind in…. and it comes back every time to the issue of “Does God create people for the purpose of Hell?” or do we really have a choice to choose God? Its all connected for me. God, the existence of evil, his attributes, creation, salvation. If we are all predestined for whatever end, then what is the purpose? What good is prayer or evangelism? We must then wait for whatever purpose God has and our response to the cross means nothing because its laid before us already as our fate. But, if we do have choice (which is what I believe) then prayer, life, God, Salvation all comes alive in brilliant colors. Once agreed as true, we  then have to deal with the issue of choice and how that relates with God.

Now, to the humanity of Jesus and the choices He faced…

If Jesus had taken up Satan’s offer and rejected the will of the Father by avoiding the Cross, would that be sin?
Im gonna commit, I think so… thats what makes Jesus so much more worthy… He did it.. He overcame… Its like saying if he didnt rise from the dead would it still be good enough that he just died for our sins… Paul said no.. your faith would be for nothing… Whats the point of walking a sinless life if the sin part was never an option.. kinda makes the flair irrelevant…  like saying im gonna fast salads… when you never eat salads anyways.. I dont think its outta God’s character to prove a point by proving Jesus could do it without sinning (that is, he had the option to sin). Look at God’s discussion with Satan over Job. God proved a point.. with a purpose. Blessed Savior and Only Worthy Lamb.

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (NASB) 2 Cor. 5:21

All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him. (NASB) Isaiah 53:6

The first passage is where I draw my statement… a reflection of the scapegoat of Israel, where sin is transferred to Jesus so that we can be in right standing.. Just pointing out that at some point, there was a relationship between Jesus and sin.. which being God.. whether seperated from the Father or not, he experienced the burden and penalty of sin. If he experienced that in his death, then i can conceive that it was possible for him to experience it in his life.. although I hold that He did not.

AW Tozer says that there can only be one God.. if a more powerful creature exists, then by definition, that becomes God. I think the enemy thought this true, that if Jesus could be tempted while at his weakest, being a tangible human, then Satan would close the gap between created and creator.. Im not saying Jesus sinned, im saying by creating creatures, and giving a choice to choose, God expressed himself in a different manner. I would go as far as to say that He even held back some of himself than ‘eternity past’ to gain the purpose in his heart (love expressed by choice created outside of himself, multiplied, and returned to himself). Coming and taking on the form of flesh is another deeper example of this idea. Can God zap everything and go back to square one, Holy Trinity in form with nothing created and no evil in existence.. sure… will He, I dont know, I would think not from what His Word and promises hold. Did Jesus walk blameless without stumbling.. absolutely… was He tempted, yes, could he have fallen? why would it tell us to take comfort in our temptation that we can overcome because He was tempted in everyway and was without sin if the One before us was just going through the motions. I would say yes, He could have fallen to temptation, but God overcame, so I rejoice and it makes the victory and the sacrafice even sweeter.. because he didnt… because He is God.

I Dont believe God created people to go to hell…He made a way for us to be right with Him through His Son’s death and ressurection. I believe some are going to hell, and i believe that God doesn’t want that, but it will happen. Jesus is God, was tempted in every way and was without sin… His death brought righteousness to me as I died to sin with Him, and His ressurection brought life as his Spirit gave life to me.. through the same Spirit that rose Jesus from the dead. All this for the sake of love.. love freely given, and love returned. I think the price Jesus paid for our love is more than we can imagine. He made a way with a purpose that was in His heart before the foundations of the world. Driven by love, He did this for me. One day, I will fully be perfected in his likeness as I rise and am once and for all transformed into his image.  Amen and Amen to the Only Worthy Lamb who Overcame.

God’s alowance on love?

Recently I have been confronted with my own lack and need. There are parts of my life that just are not right. They haven’t been for as long as I care to remember and sometimes I go through seasons of learned hopelessness… a coping pattern that says we are defeated. As I speak of these things, I can’t help but to think I am in good company. There seems to be a band of hurt, broken, and defeated Christians desiring a way out. I could write on this all day, but my point is something all together different.

In defeat, there are places that hurt way too much for me to open up to others about. Now, there comes a place in our walk with God where this, yes, even this must be dealt with. God pursues our hearts… faithfully. He brings people into our lives that desire to see and love those places of ourselves that we utterly hate, and He passionately yearns to see made whole.

Many times I’ve hesitated revealing my own darkness for fear that no one else could relate. Sometimes we feel that no one can relate… and, yet,  other times we think everyone else is just as bad as us… they just don’t realize it… we may fear that we would corrupt those around us with our own plauge… that I would be the catalyst to the stronghold of darkness in someone elses  life by feeding the very same darkness into those around me that dwells in me. We like to contain our sin, and yet, our sin contains us. Either way, darkness consumes… and we run into it to hide our shame.

Now, I’ve recently tried to take a stand in these areas again, and continue to fail miserably. It’s not just one area but an infection that spreads to the crevices of our souls… an IV to the veins and everything inside feels the tension of the pain as the battle rages within. Simply put, darkness lives within me and is waiting for evil everywhere that righteousness is trying to work.

I’ve let someone in, and allowed them to walk with me. My own pain and failures didn’t seem to be enough… now another’s pain from my failures must I bear. It seems all so overwhelming. I don’t know how to respond that someone is willing to walk with me in this place. Yet, my fear still dwells within. How long can victory last? I’ve known nothing but failure; Is this my lot in life? Can someone see these places and still love me? I’m a beast inside who cares for nothing but its own desires… behind a nice smile; my nature seems to fight to devour everything I ever build within. It feast, it hurts, it lies, and it deceives… even its host… How long is too long… how far is too far.

I have an injury… ACL injury I think… my invincible days are coming to an end and the reality of Solomon’s words of wisdom, “men are but dust,” plagues the pain that shoots through my knee with every step…

So, my point in saying all of this is the fact that I’ve let someone in. And, as my fear plays out, I’ve hurt that person through my failures. The beauty of it all is this… Even in the face of something not worth loving… I am still loved. This does my mind in as I follow a stream of questions and wonder. This is a love that goes farther than one could imagine; to love in spite of pain. Few can say they have been able to do it. Fewer more have lived it out to the end. It’s easier to cut those around us off and to hide our hearts… but only in the face of pain are we given the opportunity to grow in this type a love… a love that goes to the undeserving… not the undeserving in a charitable type of way, but the undeserving in the spiteful type… the painful… the “I’ve been wronged”… the “do you even care how it makes me feel”… the “real that we are left with when all our dreams and ideals fade and we are left with dust and pain”… the remainder of what we once thought made us invincible just by entertaining the very idea of its invincibility…. like my knee. What I’m talking about is loving because of loves sake… a redeemable power that goes beyond thought, emotion, and humanities will… it renders us powerless and speechless over that which we did not deserve.

 

God breathed this love into humanity in its truest essence through his son, Christ Jesus. We, along with Israel, rejected such a pure love… rejected him who desired to come and be with us. Our hearts brought pain to His. He showed us nothing but loving-kindness, and us- contempt. We turned our backs on Him who loved us. We, like the prodigal son, demanded our inheritance… and never looked back. I like how in this prodigal son parable the Father came every morning to look for His son’s return home. More so, I like the way it was said that Christ came for us who were at amenity with Him. He sought after us when we were at war with him. He desired to seek us when we did not desire to seek him. As said in Isaiah, He came to a people who were not His people. Now, like the prodigal son’s restoration upon his return, ring, robe, everything, we have the right to say that we are now called by his name.

Someone loves me even when loving me causes them pain. Christ loved me… even when loving me cost Him everything. I want to love this way. I want this in my life. My question is- can we ever love God to that extent? Can God cause us pain to the point that we have the opportunity to love Him with this depth of love? Are we but miserable creatures, or does this type of love have an allowance in our hearts for God. The real answer I am not so sure of, but my heart can hope. The story of Job gives me a glimpse of love in spite of pain as we see his wife screaming in turmoil with the cry of our generation “rebuke God and die!” His reply to her was “shall I indeed accept the good and not accept the bad.” What a revelation for someone living in the midst of pain. There is a place in God that I believe we have yet gone in this thing called life. The question is, are we willing to go there? So I take my fears, my addictions, my failures, my pain, “that place,” along with the ones I let in, as well as my bum knee,… and I continue on in this journey.

Steady and unchanging

In life so many things seem to change. We are surrounded by temporal fading pleasures and even the bad in life seems to ebb and flow. Im reminded of the tide of the sea that comes back and forth against the shore. Metal is refined and made stronger by heating and cooling. We gain understanding by our experiences and go through seasons of being reserved or through season of giving of ourselves. With so much surrounding us it can cause us to question our own hearts… Jeremiah, that old testament writer, put it like this… “the heart is deceitful above all else, who can know it.” He then goes on to say that it is God who weighes the motives of the heart. I know that no matter what comes my way, whether i fall down or not or whether I’m stripped of everything or given my most delightful desires (I got a few desires in my heart), I know that i will be standing at the end of the day… not because of what i can do or say, but because of who He is… that is the God of creation who is steady and unchanging, filled with mercy and lovingkindness that is new every morning… he is faithful when we are not and consistent in His pursuit of us… its our hearts He desires and our affections he is out to win in tenderness and gentleness. His love has won me over and so i know that I am where I am and who I am because of Him. It conforts me because I know that every provision is in His hand and that He makes a way when there is none in sight. Im content with where I am, but ooohhhhh so filled with hope of where I am going. I wait patiently with a fervent desire building inside for the hope of His coming. The more my heart is expanded in love, the more I am overwhelmed with His desire for me and the promise of His coming when we shall become one as I am called by His name. Heaven on Earth reigning from His holy Mount Zion, the city of the King. The idea that He is in control and His kingdom is everlasting excites me… He is coming to claim his bride, made ready. He responds to the cry of “Come Lord Jesus” by his holy ones throughout the land. His word says that the few with understanding will enlighten the many… and back once again to our boy Jeremiah… If only we would have stood in the council of the Lord, we would have know what was on his heart and kept others from doing wrong. I want that in my life.. Let his word be true and every man a liar.. I want to be the one fixed on his hope because it is the only constant in my life. His love will never fail. It is unfailing. My heart is before him to be searched, tested and tried… and i know that it is in good hands.

Keep blogging?

Im not sure if i like the whole blogging thing. I mean, people are different and what i write can only relate to certain people. I would share with all my friends certain areas of my life, but to each his own part. The blog is kind of throwing it all together and doesnt feel right. I dont like writing how i feel down either… at one moment it may be one way, at another a different way. The blog either shows that i am how i used to feel… or im just confused. hmmm. Unless i just talk about God, who is unchanging ever constant, loving, kind, consistent in his pursuit and character, eternal in all nature yet acquainted with our sufferings, beyond time, yet, inhabiting the praise of his people, unaffected yet, responding and moved by my voice or the least notice i take when i glance his way, just and merciful in all his ways, righteous and true, the way, the truth, and the life, as well as the light of all men and the light of the world, pure and peacable, forgiving, yet, by no means aquiting the guilty…. Yeah that guy, then i might as well not blog. I am fickle at best… a reflection of something that resembles something else. Oh well…. we shall see.

Response

“we love because he first loved us”

I love the fact that love is a response.  Beauty is not of its own but of design, and eternity is displayed through creation. Kindness is from a heart that is filled with compassion. We desire, which in itself shows our lack and need and a cry for satisfaction. Once prompted to cry out for fulfillment of our desire God answers…we receive… and we respond. God first loved us. It is his unfailing unending eternal love that touches our frail beings and gives us strength. We were designed for this. We live, we breath, we need, and we are always searching for the source to which we can be complete. This is what sets him apart; we are searching to receive while He is waiting to give, and freely at that. The need is a reflection that something once was right, but now it isnt. In crying out, we seek that the wrong things be made right, justice be shown, and our needs be met. We need love and God loves abundantly. Once we are restored by his love, our lifes become a series of reproducing restoration. We love, for he first loved us.

I am because of who he is…

Sooo, some of my closest friends know that i make this a practice. sometimes i just start talking and can continue on until i realize i havnt stopped for quiet some time. I talk about ideas, life, my heart, God, and people all in the same strain of thought.

Recently i have had numerous opportunities to share my heart and who God is in my life with some kids from school. I dont ask questions, i dont assume. I just start talking and allow them to see things from a relational point of view. This is who i am because this is who he is. I love it when he delights in me. I know he is faithful. He loves to pursue my heart and even allows bad to happen so that I have something to show in the end. Its like a child learning to walk. A scraped knee is a bearable pain considering the joy of watching your child walk. Sometimes i feel as if i have two scraped knees. Sometimes i wonder what i am feeling.

hmmm. Jeremiah, one of the guys in the middle part of the bible, once said that the heart is deceitful above all else and who could know it. My heart changes like the wind. People are naturally pleasure seekers. without the boundaries of culture, pride, or morality our society would look alot different. Sometimes i wonder if its heading in that direction. Peoples pursuit of pleasure would end at the satisfaction of themselves no matter what… the only problem is that the thing we are trying to satisfy within ourself is an eternal matter. It can not be satisfied with temporal things. This creates a big problem for man like you and I.

God is constant. His love is everlasting, unending, faithful and unfailing. Its in the feeding of our souls over this eternal matter that we are truly satisfied by his love. Once we taste, allow our senses to go wild as our mouth waters and our bodies thirst for more, then we can understand our true plight. We need God. Else we are lost. We are doomed to need and to not find satisfaction. The more we search our own hearts for the cause of our own lust and covetousness, the more we realize our need. It breaks us as a wave upon the shore again and again and again.

The beauty comes when we arise out of this desert; when we come out with the resolution in our heart. We are his and nothing can take that away. We have an unending, unfailing, faithful source in our lives that continues to seek our good. Love, life, and peace flow from us and begin to touch all that are caught unaware. For love as strong as God’s becomes a fragrance to those around. It forces attention… almost demands it. Life, joy, and perseverance are unexplainable to a common heart. But for those who dare to journey, the plight of a desperate, needy, broken, and searching heart is all too familiar. Its easy to see other peoples needs when they look so much like your own. They seem too familiar. almost like the person i wake up to in the mirror every morning or the one i am when i go to sleep at night. Nothing can hide, no sense in running. I accept who i am because i know who he is. The rest is in his hands, for i trust him.

Ramblings

Ok, so Broken by LifeHouse is now my favorite song. I love the lyrics and their sound over all. I dont think they have produced a bad CD yet. This song, maybe because I feel this in my life, i think has captured something that only song can express.

The broken clock is a comfort-it helps me sleep tonight. maybe you can start tomorrow, from stealing all my time. And i am here still waiting. though i still have my doubts. I am damaged at best, like you’ve already figured out.

Im falling apart – im barely breathing. With a broken heart, thats still breathing. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, i find meaning. So- Im holding on… Im holding on….. Im holding on….. Im barely -holding on to you.

The broken locks were a warning, You got inside my heading. I tried to be guarded, Im an open book instead. I still see your reflection, inside my eyes. They’re looking for purpose, they’re still lookin for light.

Im falling apart – im barely breathing. With a broken heart, thats still bleeding. In the pain, (in the pain) there is healing. In your name, (in your name) i find meaning.

Im holdin on. (im still holdin) Im holdin on. (im still holdin). Im holdin on. (im holdin ooOOnnnn) Im Barely holdin on to you.

Im hangin out, another day, just to see what- you would throw my way. and I’m hanging on -to the words you say. You say that I will- be ok.
The broken lights on the freeway, left me here alone. I may have lost my way now… Havn’t forgotten- my way home.

Im falling apart – im barely breathing. With a broken heart, thats still bleeding. In the pain, (in the pain) there is healing. In your name, (in your name) i find meaning.

Im holdin on. (im still holdin) Im holdin on. (im still holdin). Im holdin on. (im holdin ooOOnnnn) Im Barely holdin on to you. Im holdin on. (im still holdin) Im holdin on. (im still holdin). Im holdin on. (im holdin ooOOnnnn) Im Barely holdin on to you.

Yep, thats about it. Great CD. There is something in us that wants to present who we are to everyone else around us. Its an English paper of sorts. We know the format, we procrastinate with the content… throw it together at the last minute and hope the best. I did a poster project yesterday… last minute of course. I don’t know why i wait.. maybe reveals something about me. Anyways, i got it done in about four hours… paper and all. All the way up to the last minute i was gluing and constructing. I walked into the exhibit and put mine in its spot. We all immediately had to evaluate five other posters.

At the end of everything, i went back to my own poster and started looking at my finished product…. I noticed the girl next to me was doing the same thing. I asked her if she was seeing how she would have evaluated her own project. She looked surprised and laughed… “yep” was the reply. I asked if the glue was still wet. I was comforted to know that I was not alone. Reflecting on this is a pattern i see in my own life. Sometimes we throw things together and hope that it passes. Maybe no one would notice that we have no idea if we did a good job or not. We just dont want to fail, throw everything together at the last minute and hope the best.

I find I am broken. Unsure. Insecure. Hoping. Desperate. Helpless. Yet, here I am…. in APA or MLA format…. whichever the environment around me requires. Do i meet the requirements? Whats my thesis statement… sometimes i wonder if im in the wrong class.

The words form this song remind me of who we are when no ones around… when we dont have to perform. when, if the world allowed, we could desire what ever, yet, here we are… and dealing with where we are compared to where we want to be is the pain we must bear.

Ramblings part 2

Two more things… interestingly enough. The first is how amusing i find it that 80% of my friends, real friends, are non christian. I’ve had the privilege of taking a few of these to services or introducing them first hand to God … some have even begun to walk with the lord in a real and tangible way. Yet, its around these people that i feel myself come alive and i can be who i am. I am free. I love, I joke, I laugh, I cry, I share… and I don’t feel judged or seen as any different. There is depth… because i am willing to go there… and that is different in the world today- its different to them- its different to me. I would die for most of my friends. I love them. I’m devoted. I live through them in a way. They know it. They know why and how i love and have heard of God’s faithfulness in my life. Many are surprised I’m Christian. I don’t fit their mold… and sadly so. For i wish their mold of Christianity was something altogether different. My weak attempt doesn’t compare. I just wish there was a stigma that wasnt negative when ‘christian’ is brought up in these settings.

my point is how painful it is in Christianity to put your heart out there before your own brothers in Christ just to end up with shallow engagements. Of course, i know hurting people hurt people. Thats all we are. Maybe I just dont have to wonder around my non christian friends. I know they appreciate my heart… maybe im needy, maybe i dont have it together and desire relationship, but they give it, appreciate it, and show it without reserve. As much as i pour into their lives… I promise i have received back. Not to say anything less about my christian friends. The ones i have are more committed to me than anyone i know. I’m just saying this has been the exception and not the rule in my experience. I want to be wrong.

The second thing i was going to briefly mention, if its possible for me to do so with anything, is OCD. Obsessive-Compulsive disorder. Thats what my topic was on for the paper that was due. In studying OCD, i found that it was an obsession with values, morals, standards, perfection, and the perception and pursuit of these things. It had everything to do with what was right. The belief in the pursuit of perfection is that there is a perfect state of being that we must always strive to achieve. Things arn’t right and we must fix them. This leads to compulsions to fix and appease our obsessive thoughts. Are the doors locked… you check them. Maybe i was wrong. check again. Did i do everything right… Ill do it again… I just cleaned this… it looks dirty still… What if i get sick? Am I thinking the right things? am i saying the right things? Do my thoughts and actions affect others? How can i control this? I feel wrong for liking this. I shouldnt think this. I shouldnt do this.

The cycle goes on and on and on. Fear, obsession, failure, feelings of rejection, repentance, feelings of forgiveness, restoration, obsession, fear, and failure again. The person creates patterns to prevent the fear from happening. Its the obsession with the fear that creates the compulsive behavior. OCD has one problem that makes it hard to classify and diagnose as something altogether different than anxiety or other disorders. In my opinion, it revolves around standards. What is right? If there was no right… nothing to add up to, be compared to, achieve…. there would be no wrong, would be no obsessing over what wasnt right. You would just be.

One “symptom” of OCD was religiosity. Clinically, i wouldn’t classify. Personally… well, i saw myself in these descriptions. I have filtered myself through so many standards of what i perceive is right that sometimes its hard to just be. To respond as you are. What is right? well, i know love is right. True love. Everlasting unfailing… the God type of Love. Do my behavior modifications really reflect love and freedom… if so, then why do i feel the things i feel. Do i walk in condemnation and shame… and then create patterns to prevent this.. are those patterns healthy or are they compulsive.. maybe. I see myself in this if i want to get honest.

Back to the song… this struggle is an ancient struggle that we all find hiding inside of us once we sleep. It may look different for each person.. but its there. Who are we? can we really be honest with ourselves? Can we be open and painful at the same time. Are we willing to go there. Im starting to.

“I tried to be guarded, Im an open book instead.”

Reflecting

I often think about who i was in middle school, and then in high school, and, now, who ive become. I often wonder as to where others are at, and what their perceptions are of what happened in my life. I wonder as to what happened in theirs as well. As for my self, all i know is that i’ve done the best that i can with what I have got. I’ve tried to turn things around and for many the difference is evidence enough. I wont go back. Our perception is a dangerous thing. when correct it brings discernment and insight into truth; when off, it brings deception and causes us to act in a way other than in truth…i think the most dangerous of all is that it causes us to believe we are acting in “the truth” when in fact it is but an illusion.

“Why” i think is the question that we all ask when something happens that we dont understand. Sometimes we fill in the answers and go on as if our conclusion is absolute; sometimes we just continue on as if nothing ever happened. Im not sure and i dont know where many of my friends are at today. I can only wonder at where the answer to that question would lead and to the why behind it. There is always something deeper than what we see to every issue. We can only wait and let time run its course, for in the end all things will be revealed. I hope my own life will prove itself well enough… God willing for i know I cant do it on my own.